Life, Lies, and God’s will


I find myself to be very picky when it comes to education. As I have previously shared, I am currently enrolled in the automotive program at Blue Ridge Community College. In the last 24 hours, I have come to realize that pursuing this may very well have been a bad idea. This whole ordeal has ended up causing pain that could have been avoided. What happened was out of my desire to pursue this “career,” I lied to my wife about my reasons for chasing after this. I told her it was where God was leading me, but the truth is, I never sought after God’s guidance in this area. Now this has done a number of things, first, I used God to keep people from questioning my decision, because this was what I WANTED, and I was convinced that all I needed was to make more money. Second, I betrayed my wife’s trust by lying to her. Lastly, this has lead me to a place of utter discontentment in what I am doing. Schooling has always been a difficult thing for me. I don’t like sitting in the classroom, especially if I am in a class that I am NOT passionate about. My passions in regards to education is for my religion degree and then seminary after that. This is what I love doing. I wish I had a study that I could go into and simply read/study the Bible as well as theological and religion based books. All of this really came to my attention last night when I looked at my wife and said, “I hate being in the auto program.” Now, this came as no surprise to her because she’s always known that I don’t like taking classes for things which I’m not passionate about. This realization on my part has to me searching out the reasons that I chose to pursue this field of study. It was during this self evaluation that I realized I had lied to my wife and blamed God for my actions. I have since sought forgiveness from both God and Hannah for my actions and am trying to make things right (by seeking God’s direction for my education). Please pray for me as I strive to see what God would have me do regarding my education, and also that I would be quick to trust God with the money needed to pay for it.

Thanks.

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3 thoughts on “Life, Lies, and God’s will

  1. I like what you have posted here, I must say don’t be so hard on yourself. Sometimes God gets us to do his will by giving us a selfish desire.
    All things work together for good to them who love the lord. and if you want to do anything that is great on this earth no matter the cause you must go through things that you do not want to do that is just a part of the path.
    But will say a prayer for you, Trust the God who created you, he gave you a desire, and you must follow the desire until he tells you chase another desire.

    Rock On
    Tim

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    1. Thanks for sharing that with me, Tim. I know that it may seem that I am being hard on myself, and to a point I am, but on the other hand I wouldn’t say that I regret acting on that desire of mine because my wife and I have met some truly wonderful people. So, I can see both sides of this, one being that God was leading me to this area, if for no reason, for the people He would place in my life who have been a blessing to me in my relationship with my wife and in my walk with God. There have also been other instances in my life where God allowed what I “wanted” to show me how much I really didn’t want it in the first place. Thanks again for the encouraging word, brother.

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  2. It warms my heart, Caleb, to hear you confess that you lied to your wife about your motives. To know that our motives aren’t upright and then confess this is huge … and to be transparent before your wife … your mate … your soul partner … well, it just blesses me. I’ve been in a relationship with a man who wouldn’t even admit … well … that he wouldn’t even admit that MUCH larger things were sins … even when he was caught red handed and hiding them.

    Keep searching and praying. Seek His face and He’ll guide you. And truly, truly … be as transparent as you can before your wife, as well. She is your partner. She is your cheerleader. She is on your side. The two of you are one. Don’t shut her out. Welcome her into your “messes” so she can help you and pray for you. That’s why she’s there.
    Blessings,
    – karen

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