The longer I am allowed to live on God’s earth, the more I understand how depraved I truly am. There are often times when I think of myself before others, including my own wife. I am not the godly husband and man that I desire to be. I am slower to anger than I used to be, however, it takes me about the same amount of time to get over my anger and frustration once it has set in. And yes, God has worked mightily in me regarding how quick I am set off by some people. Unfortunately, I have come to realize that this is one of those areas that I have refused to hand over to God so that He may transform this area of me to His likeness. I believe this to be due to my own pride and hard-headedness, tho in all honesty, I don’t see it. In my heart, I desire to live in a manner worthy of Christ, but to echo Paul, “for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate” (Rom. 7:15).
Do not think that I am proud of my refusal to give this to God. I am not. I know that this causes strain on my relationship with my wife. I also know that for me to be the husband and father that I desire to be, this must be given to God. I will be seeking out one of our church leaders and asking for their help/wisdom in this matter.
Please be praying that God will soften and change my heart and actions. Pray that He will remove the quickness to frustration that I have.